Can’t go to cabo without a run in with the federales

So the Baja Ha Ha fleet is nearly 200 boats and 601 people. We’re all a bunch of sailors that were pretty damned stoked to get on land and take advantage of two for one drinks here in Cabo. And man, do we!
All 600 of us flooded the town ripping it up left and right. There is a core of younger people that are all crew on boats and floating like I am. We all found each other pretty quickly and formed a posse that we nicknamed The Kid’s Table. Since we are all broke and homeless, we can’t afford to go out to the bars and clubs all night. So we decided that we would all just meet on a dark, deserted end of the beach each night with a six pack of beer and a bottle of tequila. It is a cheap, fun way to meet up. None of us have cell phones so we just have to wing it most of the time.

So a few nights ago, I was chilling on the beach with Jesse and TR bullshitting and sipping our beers. We figured the rest of the posse had found something else and we were fine to just sit there and enjoy the ocean breeze with our feet in the sand and good company. After about two hours, this HUGE group of fellow sailors shows up and it is suddenly pretty obvious that the beach won’t be able to contain our crazy energy that was pent up on boats for so long.
DSC04564The decision was made to finish off the bottle of tequila and make our way to a dance club or five. And then off we went. About 15 slightly inebriated, salty, mostly younger sailors out on the town. And man did we dance!
We were definitely a few sheets to the wind at about 4 in the morning when one of our group decided to take a leak in an alley (in reality,  what looked like an alley to a drunk sailor was in actuality more of a front stoop to a business). Not even half-way through, a van full of cops sweep in and throws our intrepid pee-er into the paddy wagon, slams the door, get in themselves and are about to leave without a word.
We are all a little dazed by how quickly everything happens, but a gal named Heidy and I march right up to the paddy wagon and block them from shutting the doors. Heidy speaks decent Spanish and I speak none, but there is no way I’m going to let the Federales take one of us away. You never leave a man behind, damnit!!!
It’s not long before we realize they are having none of our gringo-asses and are telling us that since it is Friday, our buddy in going to be in the slammer all weekend. And they don’t seem interested in our clumsy attempt at bribing them. That is when our angels show up.

15338_198422901803_740776803_3996262_6638124_nThese two Mexican sisters named Tatiana and Romina randomly see what is going on, march right in and take charge. Even after 20 minutes of pleading, bargaining and negotiating  the cops don’t seem interested in anything other than taking our buddy to jail.

You have to remember, this whole time, dude is locked up in the back of the van, terrified of spending a weekend in a Mexican jail. He’s listening in the whole time through the cage he is behind seeing the chances of freedom dwindling. Once in a while I hear, “Lauren!! Don’t leave me here!” Don’t worry, man, I got your back.

Well, Romi and Tatiana finally have convinced the federales into letting the “prisoner” go for a small fine. But they still want to drive him around before they let him out. I collect money form everyone, holler at Heidy, “Get your ass in the van, we’re going for a ride,” jump in the paddy wagon and close the door. The cops don’t like us ladies along at all and even try to stop us, but there is no way in hell I’m going to just trust that they would actually let him go.
We drive around for a few minutes, I pay the “fine” and they let my buddy out of the cage. He nearly kisses the ground. I thank the cops and then immediately find that two Mexican sisters and thank and hug them for the rest of the night. At least we made some new friends!!

Today’s lesson #1: don’t mess with my friends, not even new ones.

Today’s lesson #2: four heroines are better than one.



9 thoughts on “Can’t go to cabo without a run in with the federales

  1. Today’s lesson #1: don’t mess with my friends, not even new ones.

    Today’s lesson #2: four heroines are better than one.

    Dually Noted.
    Love you seester!

  2. Your dude is a lucky dude. And you gals rock. PS – Don’t they have toilets out there? Lesson #3 Check your back before peeing in public!

  3. hahahahahaha You said it was going to be funny … Next time, just because you think it’s a GOOD idea, please don’t HOP IN THE BACK of the Federales paddy wagon … Yes, this is MOM talking … You have no idea what could have happened, and I would KICK YOU ARSE if anything did!!! 😉

  4. Lauren! I can’t believe that I missed all this! I have trouble remember all details after the tequilla bottle, but remember dancing it up w/you and the boys ala’ pumping-music-style. I hear you are in Mazatlan. I hope you are well and avoiding the PUMA. I posted a long narrative of this night (sans police) on the guestbook of the twins’ sight. Have a look. What are your sailing plans. Heidy says she’s willing to have me on her boat so I can gain some sort of skills. — Maria

  5. Whoa, I won’t even start, except to say I’m with your Mom!! Good to hear from you and know you are enjoying yourself. Making memories and friends, what else is there? Thanksgiving is coming up and I have a long gratitude list, and you are on it!

  6. Hey if you ever get into a serious jam let me know we still have some connections left from when my uncle was a Federal Majestry in Mexico. You can never be too connected.

  7. Pingback: A Lil’ Jaunt to Guam | Uncontrollable Awesomeness

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